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I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
