After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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