bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
