hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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