It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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