Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
