Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize