yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
