just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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