she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
two words...techno handjob
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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