I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
