I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
