does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
