I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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