Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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