Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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