I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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