I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
