Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
