I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
