I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
