I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
