my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
