recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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