Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
