I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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