So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
