I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
