I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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