The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
