Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
