I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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