So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
