we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
