last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
