Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
