i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
