I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
