I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
