you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
