I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
