I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
