I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
