Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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