My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
accomplished twins. life is a go
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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