Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
