She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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