I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
