Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
