I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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