Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Panties = found
Randomize
