there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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