My sheets look like a crime scene.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
