I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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