We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
