Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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