your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
