i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize