my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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