I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
