It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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