After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize