We won't sleep together?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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