you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
