I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
