You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
