RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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