I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
