how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
