are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
