I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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