I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
