Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
love makes seman taste better
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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