im drinking this country out of the recession.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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