I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
As shirtless as possible
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
