Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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