it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
