Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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