i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
