"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Terrible idea I love it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
