Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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