Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
