I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
