i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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