I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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