I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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