yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
