All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize