It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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