so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
