Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
