Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
