I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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