when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
