The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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