Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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