My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
