I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
