I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
