Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
