I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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