____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
false alarm. still invincible.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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