it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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